A List of Other Things That Are Child Abuse, According to Texas Governor Greg Abbott
Forgetting the name of that one place, what’s it called, it’s in Texas, ummmmmmm…
“Gov. Greg Abbott told state health agencies in Texas on Tuesday that medical treatments provided to transgender adolescents, widely considered to be the standard of care in medicine, should be classified as ‘child abuse’ under existing law.” — The New York Times
Telling your child that the Holocaust was bad, actually.
Critical race theory. No wait, criticizing race. No wait, just race, as a concept. No wait: theories.
Speaking to your child in words of more than two syllables. Oh…shit.
Naming your child after a Marxist: Groucho, Gummo, Zeppo, Harpo, Chico, or Karl.
Having any media in your home that isn’t Veggie Tales.
Suggesting to your child that Black Lives Matter.
Saying any of the following words around your child: trans, cis, gender, identity, presentation, spectrum, explore, think, feel, or question.
Asking another human being for their pronouns within earshot of your child.
Allowing your child to watch that one TV show, you know, The Golden Girls Pose for Xena in Will and Grace’s Orange and Black Sex Education Class.
Forgetting the name of that one place, what’s it called, it’s in Texas, ummmmmmm…
Watching Megan Rapinoe play soccer and saying: “Yeah, I guess they do deserve equal pay” without saying even one word about her hair.
Teaching your child about fossils, because the Earth is only 6,000 years old and you’re never supposed to ask a lady her age.
Failing to teach your child respect for law enforcement. Remember, if a cop pulls you over, immediately give him your license, the keys to your home, and a full continental breakfast.
Quoting anything Martin Luther King Jr. ever said that wasn’t “I Have a Dream.”
Telling your child that it’s ok to have future hopes and dreams.
Voicing opinions around your child that you didn’t first hear from Fox News, Newsmax, One America News Network, or the thunderous voice of God you heard from behind the toaster this morning.
Taking your child out to a grove of cherry trees and admitting that yes, it’s true, President Washington did tell lies.
Taking your child to a library.
Taking your child into the great outdoors, going on a hike, bonding, sitting down by a campfire, and roasting marshmallows over anything that isn’t a pile of burning books.
Dae Selcer is a writer in Minneapolis. She is good at baking and bad at knowing what other people are thinking. You can’t find her on social media right now, but maybe one day she’ll give in.
